Somewhere floating around is an elephant in the room. We both know how we met. Why we are friends. Why I am here…….I am not thinking about that. You sit, demurely, on your stylish sofa. It’s just slightly odd that you walked ahead and sat down and didn’t invite me to sit, but I walk to the sofa facing yours to sit down. You raise your hand to stop me. Instead, you motion towards the kitchen and ask me to get the bottle of wine and glasses which I will find there. Again, it feels a little odd how you seem to tell me to do this in your house, not using the word please, but you are charming and …. I chose not to think about it. I smile and act as if it’s entirely natural. We are friends. Why wouldn’t I make myself at home. I ignore the distinct change in tone or temperature of your manner with me compared to the cake shop, just 20 minutes ago. I set a tray on a low table in front of you and feel slightly self-conscious standing there fiddling around opening the bottle as you lean. My hair moved strangely as I walked. It had a bounce to it that I couldfeel, and the bangs brushed my forehead just above my eyebrows as aconstant reminder that they were there. A constant reminder of what Ilooked like even when I could not see it. My stomach hurt. The fast paceI had started out with, to get out of view as fast as possible, wasslowing the further we went, and the more I realized that all the worry,and stress and fear had drawn the fight out of me.Amongst many of the thoughts that crowded my mind the recurring one waswhat would my mother do? Her passion for my hair was such that I couldnot guess. Somehow, I felt that deep down she would be pleased for thenew cut. It was she who insisted I keep it long, and it was she who tookthe time to brush it over and over again to make it shine as my sisterslooked on, partly jealous of her attention, and partly happy they did notget the long nightly brushing routines. But would she be upset I let thishappen? Would she be upset it.
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